The holiday season can be a tough and testing time for relationships. We’re sometimes forced to interact with people (even relatives!) whom we would not normally choose to be with. Old feelings and past hurts seem magnified and stress can steal our joy.
Often overlooked in the holiday bustle is the effect of the season on our brain – and how our brain affects the way we interact with others. One of our guiding principles at the Amen Clinic is that your brain affects everything you do. Add the hustle and pressure of the holidays and it’s not hard to understand why even our closest relationships can be stretched during this time of year.
So, how can we guard our precious relationships during this time of year? Dr. Earl Henslin and I discuss this in detail on a recorded resource we have (Change your Brain, Change your Relationships). I can’t include much of my 3-hour discussion with Dr. Henslin in this e-mail, but here are some basic proactive steps you can take during this high-stress season…
1. Watch what you eat this holiday season
The fuel you feed your brain has a profound effect on how it functions. Lean protein, complex carbohydrates, and foods rich in omega 3 fatty acids (large cold water fish, such as tuna and salmon, walnuts, Brazil nuts, olive oil, and canola oil) are essential to brain function. Unfortunately, the great American diet is filled with simple sugars and simple carbohydrates, causing many people to feel emotional, sluggish, spacey, and distracted.
What do you have for breakfast? Do you even have breakfast? Today, many children, teens, and adults start the day with either nothing at all or by loading up on simple carbohydrates, such as sugar cereals, Pop Tarts, muffins, bagels, waffles, pancakes, or donuts. In our fast paced society these foods are simple to prepare for the family rushed in the morning, but they cause brain fog and lower performance in many people. Start the day with a healthy breakfast that includes protein, such as eggs, lean meat, or dairy products.
Many people struggle with energy and mental clarity after lunch. I have found that eliminating all simple carbohydrates at lunch (sugar, white bread or other products made from white flour such as bagels and white pasta, potatoes, and rice) can make a dramatic difference in energy and focus in the afternoon. An additional benefit of skipping sugar and simple carbohydrates at lunch is that most people do not feel hunger until dinnertime. I also believe taking a 100% vitamin and mineral supplement is important.
2. Kill the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) that invade your brain
The thoughts that go through your mind, moment by moment, have a significant impact on how your brain works. Research by Mark George, MD and colleagues at the National Institutes of Health demonstrated that happy, hopeful thoughts had an overall calming effect on the brain, while negative thoughts inflamed brain areas often involved with depression and anxiety. Your thoughts matter. Here are four ANT species…
Mind reading - predicting you know that another person is thinking something negative about you without them telling you. I often tell my patients that, "A negative look from someone else may mean nothing more than he or she is constipated. You don't know. You can't read minds. I have 25 years of training in human behavior and I still can't read anyone's mind."
Fortune telling - predicting a bad outcome to a situation before it has occurred. Your mind makes happen what it sees. Unconsciously, predicting failure will often cause failure. For example, if you say, "I know I will fail the test," then you will likely not study hard enough and fail the test.
Always or never thinking - this is where you think in words like always, never, every time, or everyone. These thoughts are over generalizations which can alter behavior. For example, I have a friend who asked out an attractive woman. She turned him down. He told himself that no one will ever go out with him again. This ANT prevented him from asking out anyone else for over nine months.
Guilt beatings - being overrun by thoughts of "I should have done... I'm bad because…. I must do better at… I have to…). Guilt is powerful at making us feel bad. It is a lousy motivator of behavior.
You do not have to believe every thought that goes through your head. It's important to think about your thoughts to see if they help you or they hurt you. Unfortunately, if you never challenge your thoughts you just "believe them" as if they were true. ANTs can take over and infest your brain. Develop an internal anteater to hunt down and devour the negative thoughts that are ruining your life.
3. Work your brain
Your brain is like a muscle. The more you use it, the more you can use it. Every time you learn something new your brain makes a new connection. Learning enhances blood flow and activity in the brain. If you go for long periods without learning something new you start to lose some of the connections in the brain and you begin to struggle more with memory and learning.
New learning actually caused increased brain density and weight. Strive to learn something new everyday, even if it is just for a short period of time. Einstein said that if a person studies a subject for just 15 minutes a day in a year he will be an expert, and in five years he may be a national expert. Learning is good for your brain.
4. Protect your brain
Protecting the brain from injury, pollution, sleep deprivation, and stress is the first step to optimizing its function. The brain is very soft, while the skull is really hard. Inside the skull there are many sharp bony ridges. Several brain areas are especially vulnerable to trauma, especially the parts involved with memory, learning, and mood stability. In order to be your best it is essential to protect your brain from injury. Wear your seatbelt when you're in a car, and wear a helmet when you ride a bicycle, motorcycle, or go snowboarding. Make sure children wear helmets.
In a similar way, sleep deprivation also decreases brain activity and limits access to learning, memory, and concentration. A recent brain imaging study showed that people who consistently slept less than 7 hours had overall less brain activity. Sleep problems are very common in people who struggle with their thoughts and emotions. Getting enough sleep everyday is essential to brain function.
Scientists have only recently discovered how stress negatively affects brain function. Stress hormones have been shown in animals to be directly toxic to memory centers. Brain cells can die with prolonged stress. Managing stress effectively is essential to good brain function.
I can’t guarantee happy holidays for you. I can guarantee that you can impact your holidays by taking positive steps to manage your relationships during the weeks ahead. Take care of your brain and you’ll get the most out of the holidays. And, your friends and family will get the most out of you!
Daniel Amen, M.D.
CEO, Amen Clinics, Inc.
Distinguished Fellow, American Psychiatric Association
"Brain In The News" is offered as a free service to educate people on how the brain relates to our behavior. You can see over 300 color 3D brain SPECT images at www.brainplace.com. You can subscribe for free at www.amenclinics.com